I remember a cartoon where an office worker was saying to his manager, ‘Communication? Yes I know all about that – I’ve been communicated at, all my working life!’
Effective communication is a two-way process, and there must be some form of feedback mechanism so each party knows what the other party is getting from this exchange.
I often see people in meetings nodding and ‘mm-hmm’-ing along to a manager’s words – have they understood? How do you know?
Good managers know this and ask open questions to gauge understanding before going any further. Similarly, good staff will often pause in a conversation and use a closed question to confirm, ‘…so if I understand you correctly, you need us to…’
This has been brought home to me recently as I have just begun tutoring an autistic boy who is non-verbal with me, and won’t make eye contact. And we can’t communicate in writing as his dyslexia and poor spelling gets in the way of anything over a few letters. Without the conventional feedback mechanisms, it’s quite the challenge!
One phrase that I always remember is, ‘Seek to understand, before you seek to be understood’, so this week has not been about teaching anything. It’s been about building trust and slowly trying to understand his interests, needs, motivations, so I can use highly targeted communication methods that move us towards our goals, one small step at a time.
So next time you have important messages to communicate – consider who you’re ‘talking’ to and make sure that the medium, the language and the tone suits them and their needs (not yours), and that you have some form of feedback loop in place to confirm understanding.
Now, just to confirm you have understood, what questions do you have?
